I LIKE acknowledging.
WARNING: I am about to write a post about not wanting to write a post. How dreadfully dull.
DAMN IT! Plus 7 other swears. Yes people, I am suffering from the good ol’ W.B. That’s—
And to help myself, I am going to speak directly to my blog, like it has ears and can hear me. Join me if you will.
Dear IYLWIL Blog,
I can’t write you anymore. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. Every time I log on, I see that post…you know the one I am talking about. (Readers—ha, if there still are any— dust off the cobwebs on the post I LIKE Karen L. Gerber for context.)
Seeing that image of my mom’s hospital bracelet…it’s like an off switch. It’s just T H E R E, but she is not. I thought maybe if I just acknowledged that between you and I, we could come to terms.
Maybe talking directly to you it could catapult me over these blocks—
Mr Blog, should I delete the “Mom.Post”? Would that make it all better? I know you know I can’t do that either.
What’s that you ask? Yes, generally speaking I am better. Life has moved on, differently of course, but at least it’s moving. For a while I felt like I was living with thick, white pillows surrounding my whole body, covering my eyes and stuffed in my mouth and ears. Nowadays, my mind has things to write about, good ideas even! But my fingers won’t move. I am paralyzed.
Truthfully, I miss writing here almost as much as I miss her. So, forgive me all, but I need to write this last post about her..grief is long and really, really persistent. I need to get over the fear of being a blogger who only talks about my mother’s death. It is part of me now, and I have to acknowledge the truth of it all. Can we agree that if I move on from that post, it is not moving on from her? Is that a deal? Ok. Great. I have already written my next post too as a proverbial “shake on it”. (Readers—it’s about lips and it’s coming this week!!)
Here’s to opening my mind again and to the my Fellow Likers who want to read what’s in it.
Yours Truly and Truthfully,